I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
