I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
