Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
