With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
