He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
