I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize