It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
