EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
