Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
