She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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