Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
