its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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