Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
