OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
