Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
