I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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