I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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