This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
