I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
