Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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