here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize