That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to calm my uterus...
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