So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
