onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize