Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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