so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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