Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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