dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize