what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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