I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
