I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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