im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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