Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
