; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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