Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
