It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
