using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He better not be in your backpack
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
