right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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