Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
