I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This house was built for laser tag.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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