the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found a bag of teeth...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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