dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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