we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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