she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
