is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy sore nipples Batman
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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