He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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