I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
