I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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