I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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