Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
