I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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