Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
