we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
