She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
