dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
