At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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