im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
