Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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