I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Acid is not a monday night drug
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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