but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
