I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
