Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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