I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
