The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
