im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
