Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize