Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
