Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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