I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
