Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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