Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
