I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
