Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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