I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
