he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had sex on a roof
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
