I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I party with great urgency now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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