We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
