we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
