So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
