Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
