Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
