i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
