His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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