I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
