So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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