I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
