My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize