just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
