He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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