I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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