I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
