I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
