Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
