she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
