no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
