ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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