I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
