I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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