he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
