If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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